Day Twenty-Nine

If you would have told me 29 days ago that I would see 179 on my scale during this process, I would have probably thought this was a scam! LOL Down another 2 pounds this week making my total lost 16 pounds!!!! In 29 days!!!!! Wow…. God’s ways are awesome!

As I shared before, I fully realize that I have a long way to go, but I am truly amazed by this experience. Not one time have I felt like I was on a “diet.” Instead of feeling deprived, I have felt privileged. It feels like there was this faraway world out there made of people who knew this priceless way of life….  and I was finally let in to the party! Rather than stress and pressure, I have felt uplifted. Rather than fatigue and exhaustion, I have felt energy surpassing that of my youth. Rather than shame and turmoil, I have felt peace and balance.

I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but my walk with God and my outlook on life is what has changed the most. What a gift!!

The question that I have been asked the most is “What about after the 30 days, will you continue this lifestyle?” My answer is ….. How can I not?!?!?! I can’t imagine going back…. And I don’t want to! I don’t ever want to feel that way again and now I know that I don’t have to! I’m not saying that I will never have a piece of cake or eat meat again, but as far as a lifestyle, I have found my home… and it was right here… all along.

Day Twenty-Eight

Not only have I had a total makeover with my lifestyle, but today my kitchen also got a makeover! As of now, my kitchen is a bright, beautiful and happy ORANGE! I wasn’t so sure at first, but I absolutely love it!!! 
Rather than having my car as my haven for dysfunction, my kitchen has become my haven for joy and peace. I love cooking natural and I am learning so many new things. My pots and pans are hanging and my blender and food processor are out on the counter inviting me to use them to create something amazing! I also have an awesome spice rack in the making that we saw on the diy network. With only a $12 can of paint and a couple of inspired hearts, my outside surroundings match my inside emotions of happiness, harmony and balance. Yay!

Day Twenty-Seven

I had a close call today. I did not binge and I did not eat outside my guidelines, but I did find myself overeating while watching T.V.  It was a busy day and late this afternoon I sat down for a few minutes and decided to have a snack. Before I knew it, I realized I was continuing to eat well past full. Not cool. I could look at this situation as a disappointment or I could consider it a small victory. It was a victory in that I took pause, questioned, recognized, and stopped.  On the other hand, I really need to pay close attention to mindless eating…. a big contributor to my reaching almost 200 pounds.  Eating while watching T.V. is a terrible habit. That is what I would call what happened today…. a bad habit, not a binge. There was no emotional meltdown that triggered overeating. Rather it was more like a lifelong ritual from my past that surprised me in my present. This is a much better and brighter recognition than falling into an all out binge. As I reflect, I can easily remember those out of control moments of desperation …. neediness …. darkness.

I used to blame my binging on the fact that I was in an unhappy marriage, or because I had financial stress, or because my childhood was unstable or maybe because I felt inadequate without a college degree. There are many reasons that I thought I ate like this, but I now look at those situations and think … those weren’t reasons…. those were excuses. Those were triggers that led to my feelings of helplessness and unworthiness. But you know what I am learning today? I am learning….Life happens….marriages have their hard times…. We don’t all get to grow up like the Cleavers ….money gets tight, unexpected things happen. How am I helping my unhappy marriage by binging and feeling worse –and probably even more unpleasant to be around? Will wallowing in heartaches from decades ago bring me any peace?  How does ordering a pizza or picking up a bucket of fried chicken help my finances? Does sitting around having a pity party about not having a college degree get me any closer to wearing a cap and gown?

Tough days will come….they always do, but I believe God holds our future. That doesn’t mean things always work out the way we would hope. Truth be told, I got divorced…. And if you know any single moms, you know that money stresses happen…. (and….if any of those single moms you know are going to college while working part time trying to raise their kids, you know that those money stresses can happen often). We all go through our mountains and valleys.

May I repeat…Life just happens. I used all of these excuses to eat…to binge….to feel sorry for myself.

What a freakin waste of time!!!

I have reached the expiration date for my excuses! Rather than trying to get out of it, now I have excuses TO change my life by eating clean and working out! I have important things to do! I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be the exceptional God chosen wife for my future husband …. greatest friend to my friends… a superlative servant to my Savior…. and the most authentic Me to me.

Thank you God for my disappointment/VICTORY today!!!

Day Twenty-Six

Wow! Day 26!! Already? The time is flying by! I want to share with you, my readers,  my genuine gratitude. Today, we hit an all time record high of 121 views…in one day!!! WooHoo! This is a very humbling experience. Thank you so much for sharing in this journey with me. May God truly bless you in your walk with Him!

I have a confession…. I have a complete fascination with…. collar bones. I think collar bones are beautiful. They are especially beautiful when you haven’t really seen your own in a while. Then, all of a sudden, you look in the mirror and there they are!! My long lost collar bones!!! Welcome back!!  I am ecstatic! Who knew collar bones could be so exciting!! However…..

Note to Self:

I know that you feel amazing! I know that you have lost inches and pounds and your mind is full of the endless possibilities in your life right now. However, in order to avoid discouragement, may I recommend that you stop trying on your smaller size clothes? Granted, as of last Sunday you were down 14 pounds…. but you still have a ways to go. You feel great and you are getting there… but you’re not there yet. So, keep on keeping on…. and just enjoy where you are today.

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

Thank you Father that you hold the future of this extant woman in Your hands!

Day Twenty-Five

How can this be happening?

Have you ever heard a thin and healthy person say “I forgot to eat….I was just so busy…I forgot to eat today”….????? That has always sounded so foreign to me. Actually, more like annoying!!! When I hear something like that, my natural reaction is to scoff and think: …WHATEVER!! You are “forgetting to eat” while I am obsessing about my next caloric consumption …. Let’s see….Will I get a McGriddle for breakfast or Krispy Kream donuts?  Oh no, I have to put gas in the car…Do I want a Snickers and a coke or a Reeses with a Dr. Pepper?  I never could understand how a person could “forget to eat.”

Over the past few days, lo and behold, I’m “forgetting.” I’m forgetting to obsess….I’m forgetting to depend upon…I’m forgetting to seek my joy from food. This is incredible to me! I am living my full and busy life and I am growing leaps and bounds in my spiritual walk…. And I am “forgetting” about my misplaced and compulsive dependency.

So how can this be happening to me? I think Carrie Underwood says it best….

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own

I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus, take the wheel

Day Twenty-Four

I am continually in awe of this journey. The changes in my body astound me, but the changes in my heart are astonishing. The most fascinating thing for me is that in so many ways, I feel like I have discovered a big secret. I feel that I have stumbled upon the answers to questions that I have had my entire life. I almost feel like I should call all of my girlfriends and say “I bought the perfect book with the SOLUTION to our weight struggles!” or “I called another number from the greatest infomercial and the kit is being rush delivered for free!” But wait! There’s more!  Actually the reality is far more simple than that. I didn’t spend another $39.99 and there was no shipping and handling charges. I simply cried out, I begged, I pleaded with God….SHOW ME THE WAY! And He has.

The irony…. I’ve simply turned my heart to what He has offered, provided and planned all along. THE Book, HIS Book… that’s where the answers are.

He created the foods that our body needs. He designed our muscles to be used. He meant for us to work and to enjoy the abundance He has to offer:  the feelings of good health… the bountiful harvest of the seeds from the earth… listening to what our bodies need, not mindless eating as a pastime. God provided all that we need….yet how did we get so far away from our original design? How did I spend my whole life seeking love and comfort from pizza and not realizing God, my Creator, is all I need? He wants to be my Comforter!

Thank you God that You are all I need….. and thank you for allowing my food issues to help me realize that!

Day Twenty-Three

The only way I know how to describe Day Twenty-Three is….off. It was just off…off balance…off centered… just off.  Today I totally lost my focus. Before I continue, let me clarify….I did not veer from my fast, my attitude was just all wrong. I began the day with energy and positivity, but the next thing I knew, my thought were that of a grumbling, whiny child. What happened??? I was on such a high yesterday and today…. Yuck! All I could think about was how much I wasn’t getting accomplished… how unorganized I felt…. and how much I really wanted a cheeseburger, fries and a coke. The salads were just not cutting it today! LOL

By the end of the evening (with a little help from my best friend), I realized there was nothing different about Day Twenty-Three than Days 1-22…. except my attitude. I was focusing on all of the wrong things. I just needed to get centered and align my thoughts with His thoughts. This process is not about me….yes, it’s my journey…. but I just want to be the vessel. This isn’t about how many pounds I lose or how many blog readers I have. This started out as my very personal heart’s cry to God. I came to a place of surrender recognizing that this struggle is bigger than I can handle on my own. The Bible tells us to “cast all of our cares upon Him,” and that’s what this is about. Having millions of readers and unlimited cheeseburgers will not give me the true peace that can only come from Him.

Thank You God for being the center and helping me get centered!

8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  Phil. 4:8

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