Day Twenty-Seven

I had a close call today. I did not binge and I did not eat outside my guidelines, but I did find myself overeating while watching T.V.  It was a busy day and late this afternoon I sat down for a few minutes and decided to have a snack. Before I knew it, I realized I was continuing to eat well past full. Not cool. I could look at this situation as a disappointment or I could consider it a small victory. It was a victory in that I took pause, questioned, recognized, and stopped.  On the other hand, I really need to pay close attention to mindless eating…. a big contributor to my reaching almost 200 pounds.  Eating while watching T.V. is a terrible habit. That is what I would call what happened today…. a bad habit, not a binge. There was no emotional meltdown that triggered overeating. Rather it was more like a lifelong ritual from my past that surprised me in my present. This is a much better and brighter recognition than falling into an all out binge. As I reflect, I can easily remember those out of control moments of desperation …. neediness …. darkness.

I used to blame my binging on the fact that I was in an unhappy marriage, or because I had financial stress, or because my childhood was unstable or maybe because I felt inadequate without a college degree. There are many reasons that I thought I ate like this, but I now look at those situations and think … those weren’t reasons…. those were excuses. Those were triggers that led to my feelings of helplessness and unworthiness. But you know what I am learning today? I am learning….Life happens….marriages have their hard times…. We don’t all get to grow up like the Cleavers ….money gets tight, unexpected things happen. How am I helping my unhappy marriage by binging and feeling worse –and probably even more unpleasant to be around? Will wallowing in heartaches from decades ago bring me any peace?  How does ordering a pizza or picking up a bucket of fried chicken help my finances? Does sitting around having a pity party about not having a college degree get me any closer to wearing a cap and gown?

Tough days will come….they always do, but I believe God holds our future. That doesn’t mean things always work out the way we would hope. Truth be told, I got divorced…. And if you know any single moms, you know that money stresses happen…. (and….if any of those single moms you know are going to college while working part time trying to raise their kids, you know that those money stresses can happen often). We all go through our mountains and valleys.

May I repeat…Life just happens. I used all of these excuses to eat…to binge….to feel sorry for myself.

What a freakin waste of time!!!

I have reached the expiration date for my excuses! Rather than trying to get out of it, now I have excuses TO change my life by eating clean and working out! I have important things to do! I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be the exceptional God chosen wife for my future husband …. greatest friend to my friends… a superlative servant to my Savior…. and the most authentic Me to me.

Thank you God for my disappointment/VICTORY today!!!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Teri
    Jun 01, 2010 @ 15:44:37

    Way to stay strong and continue to see the positive in things!

    Reply

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