Why me, God?

My early life was unstable, to say the least. Because my mother died when I was two years old, and my address changed quite often, I spent a lot of time confused and angry. Outwardly, I think many people thought I was a fairly happy kid… until I attempted to take my own life as a teenager. You see, I could mask my pain with laughter, but inside… I was hurting. I asked many times… “Why me, God? Why did MY mom have to go away? Why couldn’t I have the loving family life that I saw in the homes of my friends? Isn’t there someone…anyone?…..out there who could love me unconditionally?” Out of my desperation and sadness I would ask….Why me, God? Why did you give THIS life to me? 

When I was that troubled teenager in the hospital after trying to take my life, a very special person gave a card to me with the verse Romans 8:28 on it. Because the numbers were 8:28….my birthday, I clung to these words…..

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, those who are the called according to His purpose.” 

I didn’t understand it at the time. It sure did not feel as if anything was “working for good.” Little did I know…. I was among “the called according to His purpose!”

Today is my 37th birthday. This evening my fiancé and his family threw a surprise birthday party for me! All of my friends did an awesome job of keeping the secret! I walked in and could not believe it when I saw my family and friends….even my pastor was there! The birthday music started playing and I felt so much love and gratitude in my heart.

And again, I ask… Why me, God? What did I ever do to deserve THIS life?
Why did you choose to give ME this unbelievably amazing and incredibly happy life? You have blessed me beyond measure! If I could have only seen then, as a mixed up kid, what you had planned for me! The family I never had as a child… I now have as a mother. The example of love between a man and a woman that I did not witness…. I now feel in my heart for my fiancé. The supportive family and deep lifelong friendships that I have, make my life so full. Some of the struggles and experiences I have faced have been challenging, but my God has blessed me abundantly and has worked it all
together for good….unbelievably good! 

Thank you, Father God for THIS life!!!       

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bendedspoon
    Aug 29, 2010 @ 01:14:36

    why you?
    because God loves you.
    Happy Birthday!


  2. Teri
    Aug 29, 2010 @ 13:35:24

    What a beautiful entry. Happy Birthday and Congratulations!! I love you!


  3. Rhonda Johnson
    Aug 29, 2010 @ 22:28:57

    Why you? I understand the question, but I promise you that God knew from day one that you would have this kind of birthday today. I wish I had known Him back in 1987, and maybe I could have been there for you, but I knew back then, through my own mud and garbage, that Charlie was a golden child. It was obvious, even then. What a wonderful, wonderful day God made 37 years ago today. Thank you, Jehovah, for being son good to us as to give us Charlie.


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