On the fourth and final day of juicing….

Yes…I know… I’ve got some explaining to do…lol

The fourth day of juicing was not so good. I did not feel well and basically decided that I enjoyed the whole juice thing but a total juice fast was not working for me. Mainly because when you are doing a complete juice fast, it is recommended that you do not do hard workouts. I pretty much decided that I would rather eat well and push myself physically than to juice only and not feel up to working out. So, I ditched Day 5 and started eating real food.

On the positive side… I went from 177 to 173 and I felt good about that.

On the not so positive side… After the fast was over, I went a little crazy. I did what I always do but swear that I never will…. Can you relate? It’s like I had the mind set that I was making up for lost food or something…. I ate whatever I wanted …. And too much of it…. So what good did it do to juice for four days?

It gets worse… Our family had a stressful event that required us to make a quick 3 day trip to the Dallas area. I pretty much tapped into every addiction I have ever had… (except sugar) I had chips and burgers and pizza and blah blah blah…. I even drank sodas! What the? Why do I get this all or nothing mentality? My hearts desire would be to consistently eat clean and move… Enjoy occasional celebrations, but realize it is not necessary to throw in the towel and go full force into the wrong direction.

I have not stepped on the scale and I don’t want to. The last number I saw was 173 and I am going to keep working hard until I feel better. I do not need another reason to feel bad about my week of chaos. Today marks the 30 day countdown until my wedding. When I started this journey, I did not have a wedding day weight in mind, but now I do. If I can reach 165 by my wedding day, I will be ecstatic! That would be a total of 30 pounds lost since May 3rd and I can’t feel bad about that, right!?!?!

God, what is wrong with me? Why do I keep putting myself through this unnecessary turmoil? I knew this journey would be hard, but when I mess up so royally, I feel like such a disappointment. I am like a child… When I start to make a choice that I know is not best… My heart tells me that I can call on You for strength, but my mind turns my thoughts to my own “will-power” – something that I think is non-existant. Obviously, that never works out too good…. It amazes me that I have to learn this same lesson over and over and over. You tell us that You are our Strength. Your word states countless times that we don’t have to face our trials alone…. And yet… I take on the biggest struggle in my life and look past your provision. Forgive me, Father, and help me to pick up the pieces of my shattered ego and keep moving forward.

Psalm 46

 1 God is our refuge and strength,
       an ever-present help in trouble.
 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

 3 though its waters roar and foam
       and the mountains quake with their surging.       

 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
       the holy place where the Most High dwells.

 5 God is within her, she will not fall;
       God will help her at break of day.

 6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
       he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

 7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.

 8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
       the desolations he has brought on the earth.

 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
       he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
       he burns the shields [b] with fire.

 10 “Be still, and know that I am God;
       I will be exalted among the nations,
       I will be exalted in the earth.”

 11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shelly
    Sep 10, 2010 @ 10:12:20

    dont give up…ur doin awwesome…i’m very proud of you…you are gonna look amazing @ ur wedding and better yet feel that way 2! ❤ ya

    Reply

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