Today…. again

Not as hard as it could have been! I did struggle a few times, but I quickly turned my thoughts to God and WE made it through =) I was surprised and grateful that I did not experience any caffeine headaches. I drank only water and I ate only what comes from a seed. A good day. A good day, indeed!

Today:30

Made it ’til noon! I don’t feel good. I want a coke. I want sugar. I will not. I will not.

I have so many stressful things going on right now… working like crazy… studying for deadlines at school…. last week of class and Finals next week. It’s kind of a crazy time to give up my vices (again)…LOL  But I guess that’s just about typical of me. I make things so unnecessarily difficult sometimes.

Almost half way through the first day… not easy… but I can do this! Thanks for hanging out with me today, God!

Today

Good morning, God! Thank you for another day. I don’t feel so well this morning. I have not been kind to my body… especially over the past week. Thanksgiving was wonderful,but it really fired up my addictions. I was in a sugar induced coma and strung out on caffeine almost the entire week. I was grumpy and hyper-sensitive. I do not like this version of me. Gaining back some weight has really affected my confidence. I am so insecure and full of self doubt again. I don’t like this. I know this is not how it’s supposed to be. Having felt the awesome experience of good health and natural living, I know there is a better way.

As I have prayed about my struggles lately, what I feel you saying to me is that I need to rid the poisons in my life. The chemical poisons in my body and the poison of negative thinking in my mind. I am scared, God. My typical response in a setback like this is to get all hyped up and start something new and exciting. I don’t want to play the same game. I know that I am definitely motivated by short term goals, but short term goal are just that…. short term. Today I find myself basically back where I started. Talk about discouraging.

I don’t want to set a 21 day goal… or a 30 day goal…. I am choosing to get through today … and today only. I am not going to have soda and I am going to eat as Daniel did. God, please guide me today… and please help me have the wisdom to follow your guidance.

A New Day

It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. – Lamentations 3:22-24

I am so grateful that God’s mercies are new every morning! He greets us with His faithful love and compassion regardless of our failings.

Thank you Father God for a new day and for offering your love, power, strength and guidance for my day!

Let’s do this thang!

Up to date

Hello friends! So much has happened since my last update! I have missed my blog. Here’s a quick, facts only, rundown of the past few weeks…

A couple of weeks before our wedding, I started stress eating… I had a plan to really get serious about my work outs and cut way back so that I would feel good in my wedding dress. Well, that did not happen. Quite the opposite, actually. With so much to do, I found myself stress eating and I did not work out even once.

On 10-10-10, regardless of my failed plan of losing more weight…. I felt beautiful. It was a magical day and I did not let any negative thoughts steal my joy. No, I was not a size 2, but I was surrounded by my wonderful family and friends and I married the love of my life. It was perfect =)

After the wedding, I continued the party all the way through our honeymoon cruise. Talk about food! We had an amazing time and were treated like royalty. For all of those days I went without sugar…well, I made up for it…. and then some!

We got home on Monday of this week and I have avoided the scale. I know that I have gained. My clothes tell me that. I set out to get back on track every morning and by the end of the day, I have not only overeaten.. several times this week, I have had an all out binge. It was not pretty.

It is amazing to me how much I change when I fall back in to that toxic routine. I have been extremely sluggish. I have slept soooo much lately. I have no pep and I have been very irritable. I feel horrible guilt and then turn around and do that same thing that made me feel horrible in the first place. I do not like who I become when I am living unhealthy.

Yesterday (Thursday) I got up and decided that I could not go through another day carrying this burden. So, I went for a 2 mile walk and had a little talk with God. All I know to do is get up and try again. So, here we go…starting each day by asking God to be my Guide and help me through these struggles.

Thanks to all of my friends and family who rejoice with my victories and lift me up when I fall.

Dear God, It’s me again

Good morning, God

Good to hear from  you, I’ve been expecting you

Sorry it’s been so long

I understand

Here I am again… still messing up

I know

Why do I keep doing this? I feel like such a disappointment to so many

Like your husband said, I am not disappointed in you… I am disappointed for you. It hurts to see you struggle.

I’ve been so disappointed in myself that I have avoided You

I know

Am I this dense that I continue this same struggle day after day…..year after year?

Apparently

My heart and my mind want so desperately to do the right thing, but my flesh is weak…

I’ve heard that before

Can’t you just take this from me? Can’t you just make the struggle go away?

I’ve heard that before too… you sound like Paul….and David… and many others before you… and perhaps many more after you

I have read that struggles keep us close to You …is that what this is all about?

Not necessarily… but that is true, you don’t spend near as much time with me when things are going well, why is that?

Point taken, God. I get it.

But Can’t you just give me a step by step guide… like a “Do 1,2,3 …and this will happen”… That would be so much easier!

Have you seen my Best Seller? There’s some good stuff in there. In fact, if you look close… there is a 1,2, 3… it actually goes all the way to 10. You should check it out.

I know… I know… The Ten Commandments

Do you?

Of course

Remember number one? That seems to be your struggle. Let me refresh your memory…

1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.

Ouch

Yeah, that’s what seems so confusing… I have already brought you out of bondage, yet you live as if you are still detained.

I do, don’t I…..

Apparently

It sounds so simple

It is simple… not easy… but simple, indeed.

I get so overwhelmed… so anxious… so scared.

I understand

That is when I need to reach for You the most, but that is precisely when I reach for worldly things

I know, you search for Me when you are broken…. when you have already tried the world’s way. How would you feel if Garrett and Madison continually sought comfort from someone other than you, their mother?

Wow… just the thought of that hurts so deeply

Tell me about it… I know all too well

I could think of this like the Prodigal Son coming home… but I do this so often… sometimes DAILY I struggle with choosing the world or coming home to You… don’t you get tired of extending Your grace?

As with the Father of the lost son…. I always celebrate.

Please forgive me…. and help me start anew…

Welcome Home, my child…. again.

Thanks, Dad