I wonder…

Sunday morning weigh-in! Down 4.4 pounds this week! Woo Hoo! I had a pretty good week and I feel it was a good restart. I got in several good work outs, both cardio and strength training. I downloaded a free pedometer app for my phone and was able to track my time and distance while I walked the track at my daughters softball practice. That coupled with some strength training and I could really see a spark in my energy level. As far as food, I made healthy choices for the most part. I did have several not-so-healthy meals (pizza, hot dogs at a cook out, and Mexican food for a special lunch celebration), but I was very careful to choose smaller portions. I made a conscious effort to have “just one” instead of the usual. I mean, seriously, how many pieces of pizza do we usually eat? And hot dogs? Just one? Forget about it. Especially roasted over the fire pit in the back yard…lol Fun and yummy, but I just had one =).

So I was thinking… If I lost 4.4 pounds just doing “OK,” I wonder what kind of week I could have if I did it right. What would happen if I did not make excuses to skip work outs? What would happen if I did not partake in any of those not-so-healthy foods? I would love to see some of those “Biggest Loser” style results. Hmmm?!?

I am still loving my Made to Crave book. I love recognizing the connection to food as a spiritual issue. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and I am looking forward to a week of reliance on God to help me reach a healthier me. Have a blessed week, my friends!

“I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me.” Phil.4:13

Happy Blogiversary!!!

Wow! One year ago today I started my get real journey… and my blog! I have had my share of highs and lows over this past year and I would love to share with you just a few of the many things I’ve learned:

God is faithful!
I don’t have to do this alone.
Many people struggle with food, weather visibly or not.
Numbers aren’t everything.
Clothes for thinner people are way more fun!
God answers prayers.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot make celery sticks taste like KitKats.
Running is not for the weak at heart.
When you avoid what you know to be true, there will be consequences.
Support from family and friends make a huge difference.
I can do way more than I think I can.
God will never leave me nor forsake me!
God provides.
It is mind boggling that you can know the right things, but still make the wrong choices.
People do not see me as negatively as I see myself.
Constant searching for answers in the wrong places wears you down.
There is no quick fix.
Weight struggles are more of a spiritual and emotional battle than physical.
Hummus is not so bad… Who knew?
Life is much simpler when you do not focus every second of your day on food.
Just when you think you can’t do one more rep, you can.
You can’t fake success.
Our light shines extraordinarily bright, when we step aside and let God work.
There is strength in accountability.
Victory tastes way sweeter than any cupcake!
God is more concerned with my heart’s desire than my caloric intake.
Excuses are worthless and self-destructive.
There is nothing more peaceful than knowing you are pleasing God with your life and choices.
There is nothing more agonizing than knowing you are not pleasing God with your life and your choices.
The torment of a food issue can take you to a very dark place.
We all make mistakes, we’re human.
It is healthy to sometimes challenge our thoughts and beliefs.
“I just did” feels so much better than “I’m going to.”
There is power in transparency.
The Bible is Way more than a History book, it’s our Owner’s Manuel with answers to every question we have.
An all or nothing approach is destructive.
We never stop learning.

Extant still means the same. By the grace of God, I am not destroyed or lost. One year later, I am still an Extant Woman. 

Excuses, Excuses

Hello, my friends! Just wanted to check in and tell you that I hope you are doing well! I am having a great week! My busy schedule is keeping my life as crazy as ever, but I am making it work for me! On Monday, I had to take my daughter to softball practice in the evening, so I walked the track around the field. I probably only got in a little over a mile, but it’s a start. Then when I got home, I did one set of my Monday strength training plan. On Tuesday, I was very proud of myself! Let me tell you why…I wake up at 5:45 every day, drive for almost an hour to work and an hour back home. On Tuesdays, I have another class in the evenings, so after work, I then drive another hour to the University. So by the time I get home, it is usually after 8:00pm and I am tired. Even to think of working out exhausts me even further. But I
did it anyway! I did 20 minutes on the elliptical! I wanted to stop at 5 minutes, then again at 10. But I did not stop until I hit 20 minutes – something that it took me weeks to build up to before. This drive was in part, because my husband helped me realize how much I make excuses. “I haven’t been working out lately, shouldn’t I eeeaaassse back into my routine?” “I can’t do that!” “I could hurt myself!” Guess what?! I did not kill myself, I did not even hurt myself. In fact, when I was finished, what I felt was… empowered! My food choices have been good and I am looking forward to the scale on Sunday! (never thought I would say that!)

Cautiously Optimistic

Cautiously optimistic, I opened my new book and began searching for my “missing link.” Because I am a student, teacher and a researcher, I read with intensity. I highlight, circle, underline, make notes and turn page corners down to revisit when I feel spoken to. Let me just say, within the first chapter, I had marked up my new book quite a bit. Some of the information I am reading, I have known for a while. Some of what the author is talking about, I feel God has has revealed to me over the past year. However, there is definitely something missing in my quest, because I still continue to struggle with this issue. So I continue searching and I continue reading.

As I turned each page, I immediately noticed something was definitely missing. There was no diet plan. No list of do’s and don’ts. How is that supposed to work? What I find is quite unique. This author is not telling you what you should do or even how you should do it. Rather, she is explaining the spiritual aspect of the battle with food. She even starts back at the beginning with the first struggle between a woman and food. Eve gives us the perfect example of what it is like to be tempted to eat when we know it is not what is best for us. Satan knew then and he knows now that women struggle with the desires of the flesh. How very interesting.

I am purposely taking my time reading this book because I want to absorb every word. One thing I know to be true, and that is also suggested in chapter 4, is that a journey such as this is always better with a buddy. No doubt, there is strength in having an accountability partner. To be honest, I have probably maxed out the patience of my accountability partners over the years. There are a few friends and family members that I know will continue this next step with me, but I have decided to add a extra dimension to this study. I am going to use this blog as additional accountability. I will be posting my insights as I continue to read and learn and I will share with you how God is directing my thoughts and decisions.

If you are interested in taking these steps with me, I would love to have your company. The book is called Made to Crave by Lisa Terkeurst. I knew very little about the author before last week. However, since I was so attracted to the title (I absolutely know that I was made to crave… something? anything? everything?) I found her website, her blog, and her facebook page. She is a very inspiring author and an amazing human being. It is evident that God has used her life to minister to so many. So, if you are interest, check it out: http://madetocrave.org/.

Lovely

February 14th… Valentine’s Day…. a day about Love.

Current Weight ~ 198 …..nothing LOVELY about that.

I am so pissed off. How could I have let this happen??? AGAIN?!?! I am actually up a few pounds from when I started this thing. What the heck?!?! I have been as high as 229 and as low as 171 over the past 20 years. I am so sick and tired of this. I just feel so exhausted from it all. I have gained over 20 pounds within the past 4 months. I guess that’s what happens when you stop making time to exercise and fall (or rather, LEAP) off the wagon. I have been so out of control lately. It’s like I have reignited every addiction I have ever struggled with… Cokes, fast food, junk… you name it…it’s been a free-for-all. One blessing/curse that I have is that I have gusto. When I go for it, I give it all I got. My gusto can be awesome when I am living healthy. Regrettably, my gusto can send me to an early grave when I am living so selfishly.

Friends, please pray for me.

Torment

First, we rationalize. Then we make excuses. We tell ourselves it’s ok. We comfort our uneasiness by guiding our thoughts to believing after this one more time, we’ll do better. So we give in. We have…”just a few”… “one more bite” … “only half.”

Then the guilt kicks in. The mental torment of self loathing. Feelings of failure flood our emotions. We experience the physical effects of discomfort and misery. We resolve to do better. We convince ourselves that ….someday…. someday…. we really will change our lives.

Last week I decided to go to the mall to find a new book that I had read about online. This book looked like something that I really needed to read. You guessed it, another weight loss promise. Only I found hope in the fact that this Best Seller linked the physical and the spiritual aspects of weight struggles. After all, that’s what the focus of this entire blog has been about.

So, I get to the mall and was delighted to find my book. As I was walking back through the mall to leave, I began to struggle with the temptations of the food court. I gave in and got some pizza. Moments later, my other big struggles got the best of me and I added a double decker cream filled Nestle cookie to my binge.

So there I sat…in my car… in the mall parking lot…. binging on pizza, coke, and a cookie….

….with my new weight loss Best Seller in the seat next to me.

The painful and vicious cycle of torment continues.

Security

There is a long list of things I really despise about being overweight. The mere physical discomfort is exhausting. The inner torment of my thoughts. The envy of thin people, etc. etc. The list goes on, but when I really think about the worst part, there is but one word. Insecurity. Being overweight makes me insecure. It sucks, but it’s true. When I am feeling good about my work outs and my food choices, I have a positive and happy demeanor. On the contrary, when I am going down the wrong path of health, I get caught up in such insecurity, I make myself crazy. When I am at the top of my game, I can stand in front of 200 people and give a dynamic children’s sermon, or speak to a full class of adults, or shake hands with company presidents and CEO’s. When I allow thoughts of self-doubt steal my security, I crumble at the thought of even looking someone in the eyes. How can weight diminish my view of my own value or intelligence? Insecurity is a very powerful and ugly thing. It robs us of a healthy self image, of healthy relationships and of inner balance and contentment.

What I know for sure in this moment (and wish to recall when I struggle) is that if I could only grasp who I am in Jesus Christ, my days of insecurity would be long gone! The Bible says that I am a child of God (John 1:12), that I belong to Him (1 Cor. 6:19-20), that I am a citizen of Heaven (Phil. 3:20). Of all of the promises that I read and find great comfort in, there is one thought that absolutely blows my mind…
John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ. “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
He calls me friend. Jesus Christ, son of God, calls me, spastic blogger, Friend. Friend!?!?! I am His Friend!?!? No matter what size I am! Now, when I focus on those things, how could I ever be insecure? When I am looking outside of God for my security, I will never find it. The world will not give me security. My job, money, relationships… all good things, but not my security. Even a thin, toned, single digit sized body will not give me security. When my focus or my need for approval is on anything but God, I will ultimately feel disappointed and insecure. So I will focus on His promises. I will think on His words. I will learn all I can about Him and spend more time with Him. After all, He calls me friend!

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