Torment

First, we rationalize. Then we make excuses. We tell ourselves it’s ok. We comfort our uneasiness by guiding our thoughts to believing after this one more time, we’ll do better. So we give in. We have…”just a few”… “one more bite” … “only half.”

Then the guilt kicks in. The mental torment of self loathing. Feelings of failure flood our emotions. We experience the physical effects of discomfort and misery. We resolve to do better. We convince ourselves that ….someday…. someday…. we really will change our lives.

Last week I decided to go to the mall to find a new book that I had read about online. This book looked like something that I really needed to read. You guessed it, another weight loss promise. Only I found hope in the fact that this Best Seller linked the physical and the spiritual aspects of weight struggles. After all, that’s what the focus of this entire blog has been about.

So, I get to the mall and was delighted to find my book. As I was walking back through the mall to leave, I began to struggle with the temptations of the food court. I gave in and got some pizza. Moments later, my other big struggles got the best of me and I added a double decker cream filled Nestle cookie to my binge.

So there I sat…in my car… in the mall parking lot…. binging on pizza, coke, and a cookie….

….with my new weight loss Best Seller in the seat next to me.

The painful and vicious cycle of torment continues.

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