Derailed

Day 10, 11, and now 12 have been challenging to say the least. On one hand, I am ecstatic about the success of our awesome wax museum event. We had over 400 people from the community come see our students perform and it was AWESOME! I could not be more proud of my kids! A true blessing.

On the down side, I caved to the stress and pressure and ate things outside of my fast. I’m telling ya, the battle was raging within. In the midst of the madness, I could really see how much I depend on food for comfort. I just wanted to satisfy my stress by eating and I did. Rather than focus on Christ and pray, I ran to food…..as I have done for so many years. I would like to clarify that I didn’t all out binge like I would usually have done, but I wasn’t prepared or focused enough to remains steadfast. I had baked chicken, and the next day a chef salad, sweet tea, and some cookie cake. I wasn’t over the top, but I really struggled in my spirit. These past few days have taught me that I still have a great deal of work to do.

Part of me says, you blew it…so give up. The enemy wants me to replay the countless times I have failed in the past and remain in that place and in that way of thinking. He taunts me with thoughts like, “What did you think would happen? You’re no spiritual giant. Of course, you will fail.”

But I’m not going to remain in that place. I have loved the closeness that I have felt with Christ during the fast. I want more of that. As I have struggled the past couple of days, There has been something heavy on my heart. Whether I am fasting or not, I believe something that is so important is that I continue to seek obedience with my eating. Maybe not always choosing what comes from a seed (although that is always a wise choice), but seeking to be obedient about what I am allowing to be in my temple. I am 40 years old and I know what is healthy and what is not a good choice. I know when enough is enough and that excess is not scriptural. Fasting or not, I need to pray and seek obedience with every meal. For that, I am thankful.

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