I love how God works. He is so faithful. When we give him little, he returns so much more to us than we can ever imagine. When our hearts are turned to Him, he pours out His love and His wisdom. In this quest to break free from my food issues, I have been reaching. I mean really reaching over the years. There have been times during this battle that I have jeopardized my health by using poor judgment because of my desperation. Oh yes, I have been reaching for years…often just for the wrong thing. When I am seeking Christ in this battle, I see glimpses of victory. But since the miscarriage, I want more than just small victories. I want more than just doing what I know I should for a time, then going backwards. I want more than to just “white knuckle” my way through each day. I want FREEDOM! I want to be free of this ongoing fight that takes place in my mind and in my spirit. I don’t want this to be the topic of every conversation I have with my girlfriends. I know and now believe that freedom is possible. For so long, I think I gave myself a handicap. I don’t know if I ever really thought it was possible. My pattern of thinking (without even realizing it) has been that this is just the way I will always be. Not happy, but no real options for lasting change. I can follow rules for temporary relief, but have I really pondered what real freedom would look like? When someone grows up with this kind of struggle, it feels like it’s just part of you. Like it’s just who you are. Well, it’s not. It’s not who I am. I’m not destined to be the girl that’s always the heaviest in the room. The girl that struggles with confidence. The girl who is always on a diet. That’s not me…so I’ve got to quit living like it is.

I have been reading so much lately and studying scriptures and watching a very cool video series. The ladies class at church is doing the Beth Moore study called Breaking Free. I’m reading the book now. I’m not doing the study, but I borrowed the videos, because I always enjoy listening to her speak. I’ve watched several of them already and last night I watched one that had me bawling like a baby. One of the things that resonated with me was a prayer that she had read online and quoted in her talk:

“Give me the revelation to see why I wrongly associate benefit with that which brings me harm.”

Isn’t that powerful?!?! I thought about so many afflictions that could be plugged into that prayer; drugs, alcohol, shopping, sexual sins, food, etc. I’ve been walking with the Lord long enough to know that when you ask a bold request such as this, He will answer. When you ask for a “revelation,” be ready!

The other thing that really hit home to me was this:

“God has reserved momentous victories and great rewards for us. But we will never make it to our milestones if we can’t make it through our moments.”

Let that penetrate your heart for a moment. It may seem simple to some, but for me it was profound. Because in my daily life, I face that “moment” of temptation often, yet I do not always make it through. When I am tempted, my mind doesn’t drift to the milestone, I’m only thinking of the here and now. But in the moment, God tells us that we can call upon Him and there is NOTHING that he cannot deliver us from! Nothing!! I can’t even explain how excited this made me feel. It was like I’ve heard it a million times before, yet I’ve never heard it at all. It was as if a monumental gift was placed in my lap that I had never known about. In the moment, call upon the name of Jesus, and be delivered. Prayer is our best defense to make it through those moments and we have it at the tip of our tongue. How amazing is that?!?! It’s hard, I know that for sure. My prayer is that I call upon Him in each moment and before long, I know He will greet me at my milestone. There is freedom available, and it’s not just for the well versed, spiritual giants that never seem to mess up and look as if they have it all together, it’s for me! And it’s for you! Thank you, Father, you are my Redeemer and my Deliverer!

1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Psalm 40:8 “I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.”

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